Asleep
by Letters to Charlie
Summary: POST GOF. After the death of Cedric, Harry has lost himself somewhere between the present and the past. Can someone help Harry before he loses sight of everything? No ships.
1. Sing Me to Sleep

A/N: This was supposed to be a HPSB but I'm changing it to just a Harry and Sirius bonding fic. Sorry, I know a lot of you were excited about it. I'm working on the next chapter and my reasoning will be explained there. I still want to dedicate this whole story to EnglishMuffin2, who I can't say I've ever really talked to, but she writes amazing Harry/Sirius pairings. Go check her out now. Forget this story. Anyways, I hope she stumbles upon this sometime to see that she's sparked some of us. This is something I'm writing as it hits me, so any ideas for the future plot would be helpful. It's all for you guys anyways.

For those of you who haven't caught on, I am a huge Perks fan. Hence my pen name, my profile, oh, the title of this story. Actually, for those who don't know, Asleep is a song by the Smiths. It's my absolute favorite song. Go check it out sometime.

"_Sing me to sleep  
Sing me to sleep  
I'm tired and I  
I want to go to bed  
  
Sing me to sleep  
Sing me to sleep  
And then leave me alone  
Don't try to wake me in the morning  
'Cause I will be gone  
Don't feel bad for me  
I want you to know  
Deep in the cell of my heart  
I will feel so glad to go  
  
Sing me to sleep  
Sing me to sleep  
I don't want to wake up  
On my own anymore  
  
Sing to me  
Sing to me  
I don't want to wake up  
On my own anymore  
  
Don't feel bad for me  
I want you to know  
Deep in the cell of my heart  
I really want to go  
  
There is another world  
There is a better world  
Well, there must be  
Well, there must be  
Well, there must be  
Well, there must be  
Well ...  
  
Bye bye  
Bye bye  
Bye ... _

Disclaimer: I don't own anything Harry Potter related!

Asleep

Chapter 1

_Crack. _Graveyard. _Crack_. Kill the spare. _Crack._ Dead Cedric. _Crack. _Dead eyes._ Crack_. Dead body. _Crack. Crack. Crack. _Dead dead dead. In his mind it sounded like a boggart, why couldn't it be?

A sharp, quick slap to the side of his head brought fifteen year old Harry Potter out of world he had been trapped in for the past month. With everyday came more time spent in the wrong place with the wrong accusations. He continually felt sick now, an aching in his lower stomach. A heavy pain always sitting right on top of his head.

As he looked down he could see he had been dragging his overgrown nails over his arms again, leaving not only scratches but actual holes in some spots where he'd been absentmindedly digging at. He felt so hungry and so tired that his body was starting to shut down. The smallest movements caused him to shake as he tried to complete them. His hair was matted down with dirt and blood from a small injury on the side of his head where'd he hit his head up against the window, resulting in a small piece of glass imbedded there. He wasn't sure if it was still there or not. He couldn't remember. Even worse than his arms was his back though, which in some spots was missing rather large pieces of flesh and had bruises shaped like hands on the tops of his shoulders where he had grabbed onto when things really got bad. He hadn't cleaned at all in a week and there was a collection of blood sitting underneath his fingernails.

Every time Harry was broken out of his state of mind, he'd look down at those hands and panic. He'd run to the bathroom and try to wash them, scrubbing as hard as he could to get all the blood gone. From the smears on his skin to the blood mixed with dirt under his fingernails he'd try to get rid of it, as if when the blood were gone, it'd make him a sane wholesome person who hadn't killed anyone. He hadn't seen a mirror since he had left Hogwarts, and can only wonder what his hair looked like now. Besides from the substances in it, in one of his fits after one of his longest lapses, he had taken a razor and cut off some of his hair, not really sure which world he was in.

Currently it was Uncle Vernon trying to snap him out of it. To Harry it was like a flash – one minute he'd been in the graveyard then he'd be in the Dursley's living room. Even though days went by when he slipped into these modes, he could only recall them as short periods of time though although he was losing sight of everything. He could barely make out Hogwarts or Ron's brilliant red hair or Hermione's profile curled up reading a book.

"Boy, I want to you to go take a shower, now," Uncle Vernon said. When he saw Harry wasn't looking directly at him, he grabbed him to turn him towards him. Making sure he had eye contact, he continued, "Go now. Take as long as you need to. After you're clean, you're going to eat something. And then, you're spending the day outside."

Though unknown to Harry's wandering mind, the Dursleys had been taking turns over the break to try and crack Harry out of...whatever was haunting him. Vernon and Dudley usually only helped by demanding him to eat and then trying to exhaust him so he'd sleep. Petunia, who somewhat knew of his history and really the only one who could help if she wanted to, wasn't a sentimental person at all nowadays, even less than Vernon now.

They still all took their turns however watching him and trying to get him to participate in the present. While Dudley was still too young to really understand that he was losing his cousin, Vernon had especially taken up trying to communicate with the boy. Communicating, unfortunately for the one person who was willing to try, was all about food to Vernon. Especially with a boy so sickly skinny. Seeing his nephew was still sitting in the chair staring at nothing while still looking him in the eye all at once, Vernon signed and stood up. All of a sudden the boy was making him feel more and more insecure as the days went on. When his nephew looked at him like he was nothing, that's what he felt like. He blamed the fact that he was trying so hard to help the boy all on the reality that it'd help himself feel better in the end.

Grabbing the boy's arms and pulling him up, Vernon saw that the back of the chair now had blood smeared on the back. At first he felt angry, for ruining his furniture as years in the past he had leapt for any chance to reprimand the boy, but after a moment that passed and he was left feeling empty again. It was his fault that his nephew had sat there after all. After the first week of the boy's vacation had gone by without him doing so much as to move from his bed (though Vernon knew he wasn't sleeping), he had forced him to come out and sit in the living room in a little chair in the corner, one no one liked because you couldn't see the TV from it.

Moving to the back of him, Vernon began to push Harry out of the room and up the stairs. The boy's body seemed to work numbly under him, to Harry his legs seemed to move without moving at all, and once they were standing outside of the door and Vernon had disappeared inside it, he wondered how he had gotten there at all.

Inside the bath room his uncle was turning on the shower, and seeing his nephew's shaking figure, he turned it up so it'd be warmer for him. He grabbed a large, fluffy yellow towel and set it on the toilet for him before gently grabbing his arm and pulling him inside.

"Take as much time as you need Harry, but when you come out I better see you clean," Vernon said gently. He could have sworn he saw a brief nod, so he then fled the small cluttered room and closed the door behind him. Signing once again, Vernon thought to himself that he had never taken such care of Dudley. Petunia had always been there to do it, but now as he helped Harry, he couldn't help but wonder if he had missed out on something. Sure, he wasn't enjoying having to pretend like his nephew was six again, but there he was making him think and making him feel.

Inside the bathroom Harry was standing there, looking at the same spot where his uncle had just been standing. And close to him, he could hear that shower running, beckoning to him, while downstairs he could almost smell food waiting for him. But he could hardly recognize these simple things anymore, and he was already slipping away.

_What am I doing in here again?_ Harry asked himself dully. _I was probably supposed to be cleaning for the Dursleys. I better turn off the water._

So he did just that, and he put away his yellow towel, and he grabbed the cleaning supplies from under the sink and he started to wipe off the faucet while his mind slowed and sucked him somewhere else.

For Harry it always started off dark. It was so black. There was nothing. Then something would start to change-

"Boy! What did I tell you?" Harry was jerked out of this by the sheer voice of...someone. He couldn't remember who. He didn't bother to turn his head, it'd just hurt too much.

Vernon Dursley had left his nephew alone for fifteen minutes before going back upstairs to check on him, only to find him scrubbing the faucet like a robot while his eyes had that abstract look to them that meant he was gone, thinking about whatever those freaks thought about. Having enough of this for one day, he grabbed the boy's arm (roughly this time) and jerked his back to his room.

The rage he felt at that moment, not only at the boy but somehow at himself as well, which led him to hate the kid only more, pushed all caring thoughts to the back of his mind as he practically threw him in his room. He could only wonder what injuries the boy had already, let alone without his help. Oh well, he'd had to check that out later. Or maybe it was time for desperate measures...Damn! There was a broken window in the boy's room! One with blood dripping off the corner of it! Vernon angrily slammed the down and knew it was time to contact that Bumbledee.

Flash. Somehow, Harry found himself on the room of a small bedroom. Trying as hard as he could to remember where exactly he was, he stood up only to fall back down from dizziness. He landed on top of poking and prodding objects, one of which (after staring at it for an unidentified time amount) he finally realized was his wand. Everything caught up to him again, but this time it was in the present.

_Maybe these lapses I have aren't so bad,_ he thought as he slumped the rest of his body down. _At least when I came back for...however long I'm here, I can't remember much...Why can't I sleep...oh right. Voldemort. That's why I can't sleep. It's been so long..._

He knew these were his last thoughts coming, before he'd either drift into a nightmare or into one of his lapses. He didn't want either, and he was desperate for any way out. Just then he recognized another thing he had landed on, parchment. Letters, in fact. Letters from the Order, from Ron and Hermione, from Lupin, and from Sirius though he couldn't see or recognize that at the moment. This did seem to spark a name deep somewhere inside his head though, one that slowly floated to the top...

_Sirius..._he smiled. That name sounded nice. He wondered if that person was nice in all reality.

A/N: Crappy ending, I know, but I wrote this all in one hour, which is like a record for me. Why can't I update my other story as fast? I wonder that also. I was just this inspired. Review! Help me out with what you want to happen!


	2. And Then Leave Me Alone

A/N: I know I promised to make this HPSB, but I think I'm going to leave it as a cutesy Harry/Sirius bonding fic. It's still of course dedicated to EnglishMuffin2 because she can write all these awesome HPSB stories, but unfortunately I won't be writing one. Why? Several reasons, among which are the facts that more people will be able to enjoy this story without any pairings, I will be able to write this better without any romance, and I just think that shipless fics are rare and often the best. My absolute favorite fic here is Never Alone, Never Again by Bored Beyond Belief and I really wish I could write something like that. When I first started writing HP fanfiction my intention was to write bonding fics like that so here we go!

For anyone who wants to pity me, I'm looking for good Harry and Sirius bonding stories. If it's a good slash then those too but I haven't been able to find any good bonding ones so if anyone wants to suggest some I'd love you for it.

Disclaimer: I don't own any HP related, just this poor excuse of a fanfic.

**X: **And so you shall my friend! Sorry if you wanted romantic relations, but I think Harry and Sirius bonding is the cutest and I hope you do too. Thanks for reviewing!

**EnglishMuffin2: **I am so sorry about the whole let down on romance. I hope you'll understand. I was sooooo thrilled to see you review my story! I was like star struck! I'm glad you liked what I've written so far and I really hope you still enjoy what is to come despite the change in plans. Anyways, I'm so psyched to hear from another Perks fan! Like no one I know has read that book so it's great to hear that I'm not the only one who has a cult like obsession with it!

**Elanastar: **You sounded really excited about the HPSB, so I hope you too can still enjoy it without the romance. Thank you so much for your kind words! Not to mention for telling EnglishMuffin about this whole deal!

**Padfoot n' Moony: **Haha, I am working on it. I am pretty slow at updating so you can't expect too much from me. Plus, I have finals right now that are killing me! Eep! Thanks for the review, and love your pen name!

**SecondhandGirl: **I'm pretty bad at leaving things sit for months without updates, but I am planning on continuing this so no fears. Thanks so such for the kind words!

Asleep

Chapter 2

_'Kill the spare...Avada Kedavra..."_

_...Eyes as blank as the windows of a deserted house...Marble headstone...Tom Riddle...'Let it drown'...Voldemort...Cruciatus Curse...'That hurt, didn't it Harry?'...'Harry, obedience is a virtue I need to teach you before you die'...'Hold on Harry'...'Your father's coming...hold on for your father...it will be alright...hold on...'...'Harry...take my body back, will you? Take my body back to my parents'...'Cedric Diggory! Dead!'...'Harry, you can't help him now. It's over. Let go.'..._

Harry Potter could have been dead, if not for the shaking in his sleep that made him appear to be having a seizure. He no longer whimpered or screamed during his dreams or lapses, his voice as torn up as his back and arms now. The scene around him could only confirm that...the floor that he laid upon with smears of blood on it and uprooted boards where he'd dug at unconsciously. The boards themselves still had parts of his fingernails embedded in them and if you looked closely enough you could see dead skin also decorating the floor.

Besides from the shaking, Harry Potter had not moved in three days now. This time the Dursley's did nothing. They had left his door open a crack, and at night when his room was dark and only a sliver of light from the hallway would be admitted into his room, they would walk past and see only what that little light would allow. A part of a wound on his head, or a lock of gray hair amongst the black, or sometimes even an eye cracked open. Those eyes had lost their pigment now. Petunia had to sneer at that. No longer did Harry Potter have his mother's startling eyes. Vernon only shook his head at the boy, and Dudley didn't even wander down the hallway anymore. Today however, no one had even bothered to glance at the fourth resident at Number Four as they headed off to bed for the first time.

Meanwhile at Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, the Order of the Phoenix was gathered in a meeting and like every other meeting from the past few weeks everything discussed had led back to one person: Harry Potter. Having sent out fifteen letters to Harry from various people and so far receiving none back, people were concerned.

"Albus, we need to send someone in to see him!" Molly Weasley raised her voice. "We haven't heard _anything_ from him since he left school! You said yourself none of your guards have seen him _once_!"

"I agree, Albus, it's time to act," another Order member Remus Lupin said patiently. "We haven't even seen him through a window let alone outside."

Albus Dumbledore, head of the Order of the Phoenix, help up his hand to quiet a few of his members' concerns before continuing.

"I completely understand your concerns, as I share many of them myself," he began again. "You know why I keep him there every summer-"

"Please Albus, what good is it keeping him there? He's obviously hurting and-" Mrs. Weasley pleaded again.

"Ah yes, the real dilemma emerges, or is it just the question of the war," the surly voice of Severus Snape could be heard above all others as he sat with his arms crossed in the corner. "How is Harry Potter any good to us if he's broken in half? That's what we all really want to know, isn't it?"

This caused uproar among many of the members, some even leaping to their feet looking as if they were about to lung at the potions master. He only smirked at them all knowing he had hit a nerve that was better left untouched. Dumbledore let them argue for a few minutes before slamming his hand down with reflexes faster then anyone thought possible.

"This is not what I expect from any of you," he said evenly but with a dangerous edge to it. "Don't let this happen again. However, Severus and all of you have been constantly sending me of images of a broken Mr. Potter as of late..."

He trailed off and began to glance at every member's face, most of which were angered, scared, or concerned looking. In fact, there were only two faces out of everyone gathered that seemed absolutely devoid of any emotion. The first was Severus Snape, not a big surprise to him. The second however was someone, who out of the entire room had the right to complain or to be concerned about Harry.

Perhaps even more startling than Harry's lack of response was Sirius'. The man lately seemed to have clammed up around the topic of his godson entirely. Albus had overheard one day Remus trying to talk to him about it to which Sirius merely walked away, stumbling and falling after only a few feet. His progress from Azkaban was fading away rapidly already as his weight slipped severely. It was now that Albus was realizing that if he wished to save Sirius he would have to save Harry as well.

"Alright, I will allow a visit to Mr. Potter," he said at last. He heard quite a few sighs slip out. "Remus, Severus, and Sirius. I want you three to go and see him tomorrow first thing. Observe him carefully. If his relatives refuse to let you see him...do what you need to. Just be gentle with them."

"Excuse me sir, but I believe I have better things to do than this save the Potter escapade," Snape protested loudly. Mrs. Weasley who had pursed her lips shut nodded her head vigorously.

"I really do think I should go along Albus," she suggested. She was going to continue until she saw Albus shaking his head.

"No Molly, I need you here," he said solemnly. She pursed her lips tightly again but nodded her head. There were a few moments of silence before he adjourned the meeting.

"Sirius, may I have a word with you?" Albus asked patiently when he saw Sirius loping slowly to the door. The man stopped suddenly but did not turn back around. The others quietly filed past him (with the exception of Snape who was still complaining) till only the two men were left. When Sirius still made no move to face him, Albus closed the space between them himself.

"Sirius."

No response.

"Sirius, I am sure Harry will be quite glad to see you."

No response.

"Sirius, there is a small mission involving heading up north for a while in the mountains. It would only take a month and doesn't require much on your part. I sent Hagrid to talk to some of the giants. I want you to observe how Hagrid is getting along."

"I'll do it." Short, sweet, and to the point. Albus sighed.

"Sirius, why would you rather be sent off to help Hagrid rather than your own godson?"

No response.

"I know you love Harry very much. Like he was your own son no doubt, and out of the limited knowledge of you he has I believe Harry loves you very much as well. Now it's being made clear to be that he needs help-"

"Help? Help after seeing his parents while dueling Voldemort? Help after seeing a fellow classmate killed like he was cattle? Help after seeing the Dark Lord reborn? Yeah, I'd say he needs help! Help I wasn't allowed to give when I first offered it. The moment I saw him I knew he needed help! Did you let me comfort him? Watch over him? No! You tore him away from me and sent him to people who don't care for him!" Sirius spat out so venomously Albus stepped back. The man's starved body was heaving with the effort behind everything he said.

"I have explained to you more than anyone else why Harry must stay where he is," Albus said calmly. Sirius' eyes had averted back down to the ground and it was plain that was all he'd get out of him now. Albus doubted that Pettigrew himself had it so bad when they had been in the Shrieking Shack. He let his shoulders slouch for a moment before picking himself back up and adopting a commanding tone again.

"Sirius, you will go with Remus and Severus to see Harry. I expect a report from you when you return," Albus said. He knew he'd have to make this a job to get Sirius out before he was too attached again.

_Let him hate me_, Albus thought dryly. He tried to think of something else to say to the desperate man, but found no words that came to him. With a brief nod he swept out of the room in a swirl or blue robes.

Sirius Black, ex convict of Azkaban Prison, stood silently in the abandoned room in the forsaken house he wished to have never seen again. In one fluid motion he had grabbed a half empty glass of water with his left hand and thrown it against the wall. He let his shoulders heave with angry breaths as he left the room quickly and headed for the darkest hallway upstairs, sweeping past a concerned looking Remus.

A/N: Yay for another update! I updated twice in one week! Miracles happen once in a while...hey! Isn't that a song from the Princess Diaries? Haha. I am a LOSER. Anyways, review! Don't forget your bonding fic suggestions if you have any for me!


	3. Don't Try to Wake Me in the Morning

A/N: All the stress from finals for some reason has pushed me to keep updating. Er, yeah. Anyways, in case you're cursing me because you wanted me to update my other fic, well, just hold on a little longer. I knew exactly where I wanted this chapter to go and I have like nothing planned out for Eight Days a Week now except the ending. So.

Everyone should know that I am really enjoying this fic as far as writing it goes. I think it's much more my own writing style versus all the other fanfiction I've done, HP or not. Someone reviewed and talked about my short, choppy sentences and other things and that's just how I write so I'm really able to update this faster because it's so mine.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything HP related.

**Stinky Stan: **Thanks so much for your kind words! I'll definitely have to check out your favorites list! My internet has been done so I'm behind on everything right now but hopefully I can look at it soon. Yeah Sirius is going to be a really flip floppy person in here, because I just think that's how he should be. You'll see more evidence in the next chapter with him interacting with Harry though!

**Daunting Darkness: **Haha, thanks! Hermione/Draco huh? Sorry, there won't be much shipping at all if any. I don't think I've ever even read Hermione/Draco. Thanks for your support and feedback!

**Padfoot n' Moony: **I love your little short reviews! Lucky for you I enjoy writing this fic. I'll try to update as often as possible! Thanks for feedback!

**Oceanjewel: **I'm really glad you like it so far! Everyone seems to like Sirius' portrayal but I feel like I've hardly used him at all yet. Maybe it's just the fact I spent so long on Harry. Oh well. Thanks so much for the feedback!

**Emma: **Yeah, that EnglishMuffin2 kills me haha. She's great isn't she? She totally deserves the dedication. A lot of people do, but this one goes out to her. Thanks for your suggestion on the next chapter in Eight Days a Week. Honestly, I don't plan that far ahead. That's why I'm a crappy writer. I decided not to include romance in that fic or really this fic either so it could be more open to all people. You said yourself you didn't like the OC so I'm helping you out. The Dursley's in this fic where inspired by another one I read somewhere. I can't even remember where but I just remember thinking 'that's really unique that for once they don't hate Harry.' So I decided to try it out. I do love a good abused Harry fic every once in a while though.

**Lizziepooh29: **Thanks so much for the feedback! I actually haven't heard of those fics you suggested (which I am even more grateful for haha), so I will most definitely be checking them out! Thanks again!

**Tessa: **I'm really glad people seem to be taking to Sirius so well in this one. I mean, he used to be a really light hearted guy but he was shattered right? Some people write him a bit too happy, though some of them can pull it off.

**Wren Craven (x2): **You're the best. Seriously. Those are the longest reviews I've ever gotten. I mean, I've written shorter chapters. You put my skills to shame. I love the words you use...like splendiferous. I think I'm getting a little big headed from you. You should be a professional critic. Really. I was looking through some brochures for art schools I'm considering right now and one of the majors in there is art criticism and I was like 'man that should be my job.' I'd probably be really mean though. Anyways, if I ever get around to it I will so be spending you an email or something soon. Thanks so much!

**LadyButtercup (x2): **By the time this is up finals will be over, but um I'm supposed to be studying right now. So much for that. Megan, I love you more than Adam Carson and you're my bestest friend (look! My love proves itself again! I am using improper English again!) in the whole world. And that is why I can make you review twice. Anyways, I have like fifty stalkers at Triad now. And Mark isn't helping me at all. I keep asking Mark if he's seen Mean Girls, but he says he hasn't. He'll watch Brad Pitt but not Lindsay Lohan. Have you ever seen that kid's handwriting? He writes like a girl!

**Elanastar: **You sounded so excited about HPSB, so I am so sorry about this whole thing. Harry is too young for Sirius, but that doesn't stop us does it? Anyways, yeah I'm been looking through your favorites list a lot. I used to have tons of favorites but I decided to really cut down on them. Thanks so much for your feedback!

Asleep

Chapter 3

It was early the next June morning when Remus Lupin walked into the kitchen at Headquarters and found it remotely empty besides from a couple occupants, which included a harassed looking Mrs. Weasley and Mundungus Fletcher fighting over his spilled 'goods' on the table. Remus shook his head while surpassing a smile, but his mirth slowly faded when he realized the other regular member that was there every morning for breakfast, at this precise time in fact, was nowhere to be found.

"Good morning Molly, Mundungus," Remus said in his trademark pleasant voice. His body was still in good condition for the time of month, but full moon was nearly a week away now and once it hit a week it seemed to count down.

_Seven days till full moon...a sore neck. Six days...sore back. Five days...ear aches. Four days...on and off visual problems Three days...senses heighten. Two days...constant nausea. One day...penetrating migraines. _

Realizing Molly was speaking to him, Remus quickly shook himself awake. To anyone watching closely enough you could see him body seem to spring back into awareness and his eyes dilate while taking in observations. He could almost count Mundungus' stubble on his chin from where he was sitting (_Must be close to his time of the month too, _Remus thought) and every lose thread on Molly's sweater (_Isn't it a little too hot for a sweater? It is summer after all). _

"...and when you see Harry, make sure he knows I'm thinking about him?" Molly was dabbling on now, as she closed the space between them holding a steaming cup. "Of course, we're all thinking about him."

"Of course Molly," Remus replied with another kind smile while accepting the cup of tea from her. He calmly sipped it while thinking of one of his oldest and dearest friends and where he might be. You would think there were only so many places you could be in a house, but not at Number Twelve Grimmauld, especially not since it had been made Headquarters.

"I don't suppose you've seen him at all this morning?" Remus asked so quietly that you probably needed his hearing just to make anything out of it; however Molly seemed to be expecting this question, as its answer weighed heavily on her mind.

"I haven't seen Sirius since the meeting last night, Remus," she answered her voice both disapproving and somber.

Placing his now empty cup on the table and nodding grimly, Remus stood and thanked Molly for the tea. He was heading toward the door, already wrapped up in what he was going to say to Sirius, when he caught the end of Molly's question.

"...wrong with him?"

_What's wrong with Sirius? When was Sirius ever okay to begin with? _

"I'm sure whatever it is, Molly, he'll be fine after he sees Harry today," Remus said, though he knew that was a blatant lie. "And he will be seeing Harry today."

The werewolf walked out of the kitchen after seeing Molly's affirmative nod and wiped his gentlemen face off as he looked for his prodigal best friend. He started with his room up in the corner on the very top floor and only found a shattered mirror and some pieces of ripped up paper, which upon further investigation turned out to be newspaper clippings of various articles about himself and Harry. Picking up a few more of the pieces, Remus found a piece of a photo among them. The piece, unlike most of the others, was big enough for him to make some sense out of it. In fact, out of the piece he could see an infant Harry with bright neon colors painted all over his face as he enthusiastically waved his little arms around.

Remus couldn't find the rest of the pieces to this picture (though he tried both manually and with spells) but he knew something was really wrong now. This picture in its entirety included James in an infinite moment of laughter as he stood behind his son and Remus knew it was probably Sirius' favorite picture. He couldn't figure out why he would have destroyed this photo when there were still plenty pictures of Peter and him laying around in some distant drawer or vacant cabinet. Why not those pictures? Why one of his best friend and godson?

It was then Remus knew exactly where his best friend was. He swiftly exited Sirius' room and followed the stairs to the very bottom floor as he recalled his dear friend's words from many years ago when they were just schoolboys.

"_There's just something comforting and tragic about going downwards..." _

Remus could have hit himself over the head. Of course Sirius would be downstairs somewhere. His friend especially now always chose things that seemed pointed downward somehow. It was like how Remus knew that if he offered him two things in two different hands, Sirius would always pick the hand on his left. That was just something he'd done his whole life, though Remus never knew why. It seemed more important now after Azkaban and everything else that had happened for some reason.

Reaching the bottom of the stairwell, he took the left path down probably the most eerie looking hallway Remus had ever seen before. He hadn't ever been down to this floor (which was the only one entirely brick as he found out) before as it had been at Sirius' own request that it be left alone. No one had complained due to the fact that there was almost too much room for the Order to know what to do with, but now Remus was concerned that maybe he should have checked it out if he only realized earlier Sirius had been spending so much time down here.

The walls looked moldy and had different spots where the brick was exposed versus some which still bore ancient decorative fixtures. The hall was dark and had an overall sense of dampness that hung thickly in the air. Drawing near to the end of it Remus saw something flicker across the wall out of the corner of his eye, which was enough to give him a start after all of the stress his body had accumulated over the past fifteen minutes.

Feet planted firmly and hairs raised for the moment, Remus stood waiting to see another sign of whatever it was he had just seen. There was no movement for a few moments, but right before he was about to continue on he saw it again.

It was a butterfly. Well, more or less the shadow of a butterfly. This time the butterfly haunted the walls for a longer period of time – as it flickered in one spot for a few moments then another as if skirting around something. And just like that there were more of the shadows than he could count. There could have been a hundred of them.

Remus would have normally smiled at a sight such as this. It was obvious Sirius had somehow enchanted the shadows on the wall, and it wasn't like he was a sensitive guy at all (_In fact I'm pretty sure Sirius hates butterflies and any form of insect) _but then he realized it wasn't meant to be a cheery message. In fact, it was meant to be just the opposite Remus observed with dread.

With the dilapidated and poor state of the walls the butterflies didn't hold any aesthetic beauty at all, but instead looked like some sort of horrid animal that a four year old might have experimented with. Remus could have sworn that some of the shadows were eating each other as he quickly hurried to the last door. He sighed in relief when he saw it was open a crack (_Never put it past him to lock himself in a room when he's upset even after being locked in a cell for twelve years) _and rather clumsily stumbled into the room, missing both his gentlemen air and his stoic face.

His hopes of Sirius being alright were gone the moment Remus got his bearings about him. Completely oblivious to the man he'd been searching for so frantically; he took in everything on these walls. There were more articles. Articles all in ugly, blotchy black and white print. They covered everything from death eater attacks, more collected news on Harry and himself, and he could even make out a few obituaries of friends including James and Lily's (_Where'd he get that?). _There was a spider web like design over the articles (which some could be dated back to when they were in third year) as some of the articles were connected to each other by some magical form that resembled any common piece of string.

The loose corners of the papers that surrounded him on every side fluttered lazily in the cold draft as Remus felt emptiness in the bottom of his stomach settle in. Without knowing it he had been subconsciously ambling slower to the furthest wall from the doorway and as he lifted a heavy hand to rest it on the wall he noticed how ugly his hand seemed against it.

Suddenly he felt a wave of anger rip through his body as he tore his hand away from the wall and jerked his body to the opposite direction. It was then that he recognized a dark figure shifting out of the corner of the room.

"Sirius," Remus tried to growl in anger, but it only came out as a plea dripping with despair. "What have you done?"

A/N: I originally planned for this chapter to be when they visit Harry, but I found it necessary to make a whole chapter out of Sirius and what he was doing. I just realized every chapter has been from a different POV haha. How about one from Snape's? That'd be fun!


	4. Because I Will be Gone

**A/N: **Sorry for the short chapter! The next one will be longer I promise!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything HP related.

**Emma: **No Snape huh? I might use him eventually but ah, you know. Depends on my cards. Yeah, my penname comes from the Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky. It's like my absolute favorite thing ever. It's a book written through anonymous letters from a boy named 'Charlie.' If you haven't read it I highly suggest it. My profile quotes always come from there. I've really picked up a lot of my writing style from Chbosky. Anyways, I'm glad_ someone_ appreciates the fact I'm making all my fics romance free. And the whole left side is something I'm really into. I've always had that mind set because of the artistic history behind left sides. Thanks so much for the review!

**LadyButtercup: **Yo Megan! You're a sucky reviewer. I haven't cut up your pictures yet. I can't believe you aren't coming to my birthday gathering. God, what kind of friend are you? Thanks for reviewing!

**Stinky Stan: **Thanks so much! In this chapter Sirius will definitely show more flipflopsity. I made that word up. Totally. Anyways, I'm glad you like it. Thanks for reviewing!

**Steelsings (x3): **Wow. You're amazing at reviewing. You're like my hero. Anyways, my head is like huge now. The parts you specifically indicated in your reviews are the parts that I'm really ify on you know. The whole werewolf part I thought was pretty stupid and the beginning of the first chapter seemed really corny to me. You know I'm making this up as I go, and Sirius especially I haven't really thought much about. You guys have him pinned down and I'm like 'Yeah well I guess he is.' Like you guys know him better than I do. I'm not amazing at this and eventually I'll be in a rut when I get further along, but thanks so much anyways for reviewing!

**Mooncheese: **I loved the little P.S. included there haha. Harry's dead now huh? Like I've mentioned before I'm just writing, not thinking too much about what I am doing so I hadn't exactly thought of him as dead. I'm glad you're enjoying it! Thanks so much for reviewing!

**Ladyfyre: **I figured people would be open more to this rather than a slash. Sirry is kind of hard to wrap your mind around at first anyways. Even I, as a somewhat established fan of Sirry, prefer a bonding fic. I guess this fic is about fighting demons. Honestly I'm just writing. I have no idea how the fighting will take place so hold on, it's going to be a bumpy ride. Thanks for reviewing!

Asleep

Chapter 4

Sirius Black walked in his animagus form next to his childhood enemy, Severus Snape, whom he hated, and his childhood friend and comrade, Remus Lupin, whom he also hated. At the moment. He couldn't quite trace the source of all his hatred or resentment at the time, but he was too panic stricken at the fact they were approaching number four Privet Drive. Number four Privet Drive as in the Dursley's number four Privet Drive. The Dursley's number four Privet Drive as in Harry's number four Privet Drive.

Sirius had spent the last hour ignoring Remus as if the plague. Since his friend had stumbled into his work room, he had been bombarded with useless questions and different looks of horror and panic...and sympathy. And if there was one thing he hated, it was sympathy. He had spent twelve years being wrongly accused of his best friend's murder. _His best friend's murder. _

Ironically enough, Sirius would have killed one of his best friends that same night. In all context though, a person should really only have one best friend, kind of like a person should only have one true love, and without a doubt his best friend had been James.

In Azkaban, Sirius was not only pegged with the guilt of indirectly killing his best friend, but for wishing it had been someone else. The person that came to mind most often had been Remus. He knew it was terrible, but Peter was already the traitor and James was like his brother. This line of thought usually only came when he was at his lowest but nevertheless the anger washed up on him so quickly at both himself and Remus that he had broken his fingers and wrist many times from the punches the inflicted on the cold stone walls.

James had hated sympathy too. No marauder needed sympathy. Except for Pettigrew. He needed all the help he could get now that he was loose.

No marauder's son needed sympathy. Harry was a tough kid. Not just tough, strong too. Sirius knew he hated being in the spotlight. He didn't need the sympathy. Or the help, for that matter. He was a tough kid. (A/N: This is Sirius' own denial of not being able to help. I know in the last chapter he was going crazy at not being able to help Harry so I thought I'd clear that up now. Sirius is going to be really flip floppy on emotions and worries because after twelve years in Azkaban I don't think he'd be able to interact too great with others)

It was then that the big black dog realized where he was standing. On the doorstep of number four Privet Drive. Maybe a year ago when he had first escaped Sirius would have found this immensely joyous, standing next to his best friend ready to see his godson. Now, however, Sirius found it amusing. He was standing next to Severus Snape dressed as a muggle for one thing. The more he tried to pull out what he was feeling the more he realized just how much Azkaban had done to him.

He wasn't dead or even emotionally dead or whatever tragic label you wanted to put to him. That night in the Shrieking Shack had proved just how much emotion he had left. Then again thinking about it now the only true emotion he'd shown to anyone was anger. And realizing he'd shown his only true emotion since Azkaban to someone who didn't deserve it made him almost want to see Harry, just to somehow show him how much he loved him...Almost.

And now standing there as Severus irritably pounded on the door and even as that giant bear of a man Lily's only sister had married answered the door Sirius was lost and devoid of any emotion proving to him again how much he had changed.

The grim like dog could see Snape's hand tensed in his pocket ready to swipe out his wand already if the muggle refused to let them in. Truthfully Sirius almost expected it from him as he remembered the inside jokes between Harry and Ron about them, however, the man who Sirius vaguely drew a name to...Vernon. Vernon and Petunia Dursley. So the names that were sent out on a wedding invitation to Lily. Either ways the muggle let in almost immediately as if he was expecting them.

_Harry better be alright, _Sirius thought as his worries and concerns came back ten fold. He could feel his fur bristle as he quickly stalked in before Vernon could shut him out. The man gave him a few reproachful looks but didn't voice any complaints. Out of the corner of his eye, Sirius could visibly see Remus stiffen. It only took him a few more seconds to realized why.

The whole house reeked of an extremely bloody smell mixed in with perspiration. The hackles on the bear like dog suddenly rose as it bared its teeth growling. It would have bombarded the whale of a man right then if not for a hand securing itself deep in its fur.

"Where's the Potter boy now?" Snape asked calmly, only slightly amused by the other two visitors' sudden aggressive behavior. _Damn canine senses._

"He's up in his room, he-" Dursley started, cut off by the dog sprinting up the stairs followed closely by a ragged looking man. Shuffling his feet uselessly, Vernon made to call out after them, but was cut off by the greasy Potions master.

"Yes, well when find Mr. Potter, he better be in one piece," he warmed, eyes swimming in a cold streak. "Quite a crowd would be made unfit if they were to find out the boy was not well, just because of his muggle relatives."

"B-but I already ex-explained in the letter," Dursley gulped nervously, "the boy is consistent on mindlessly sitting around. We can't even get him to eat or take a bloody shower-"

"Letter? What letter?" Snape spat venomously.

"To that Bumbledee. That's where my wife said to send it. Sent if off with that ruddy owl of his yesterday."

"And I assume the reason for this letter to Dumbledore was Mr. Potter's health, or lack of?"

Turning from sour to interested quite promptly, Snape's mind sprang into action. _So, the little Golden Boy isn't doing too well. After all, that Hufflepuff's death surely weighs heavily on his head now. I wonder if he's snapped. I do hope so, if just for the fact I wouldn't have to see him waste my potions supplies weekly. _

"See the boy for yourself; he looks like he's nearly finished off already. He doesn't eat and hardly sleeps. He just slips into these unconscious states, but he's still somehow awake."

"I think it's time I see this for myself," Snape replied, his sneer just barely covering a frown. Using swift, graceful steps he made his way up the stairs and around the dark upper part of the house.

Honestly, it wasn't hard to tell Potter's room from the rest. There was only one door open and there was a large quantity of forlorn characteristics creeping out of it. Walking towards it, the closer Severus got to the room the darker his surroundings became. Even without heightened senses he could literally smell Potter's despair from where he was and as he turned hastily into the room he stopped in his tracks.

Snape regretted saying anything of the sort about Potter snapping, as the reality hit too close to home now looking at him, and at the same time his childhood nemesis was thinking the same thing when he had said no marauder's son needed sympathy.

A/N: Sorry it's such a short chapter, but Wednesday is my birthday, so uh, forgive me? For my birthday present everyone should review! Thanks for reading! Next chapter will (finally) have some Sirius/Harry interaction!


	5. Don't Feel Bad for Me

**A/N: **Okay, so my wonderful beta reader ­­Grim's Angel 13 couldn't beta read this chapter because Hotmail is being a total bitch and wouldn't let me copy and paste or send an attachment of this chapter to her. So, this chapter isn't edited so forgive me for any mistakes…I was rushing to get this chapter up. Sorry Tori!

**Luvguurl (x3): **Don't worry, Harry is the one with the problem and Sirius the rescuer. I just wanted to show that Sirius isn't such a happy guy after getting out of Azkaban. Thanks for reviewing!

**Sunnysparkles: **Thanks for the review and birthday wish! I'm glad you enjoy my characterization, and I think this is the chapter you've been waiting for!

**Mooncheese: **Thanks for the review and birthday wish! Yes the chapters are short, but by doing that I can update quicker. It's give and take my friend. Thanks for all your faithful reviewing!

**La de da: **So everyone is waiting for Harry and Sirius to interact, I'm getting there haha. I hope you enjoy this chapter! Thanks for your input!

**Ladyfyre: **Thanks for my birthday wish! You're the only one who seems excited to see some Snape POV! I'm not that big of a fan but I think he makes for an interesting character. Thanks for the reviews!

**LadyButtercup: **I'm watching this like musical animated movie…it's so weird. Anyways, I love you Megan! Thanks for reviewing!

**Emma: **Thanks for my birthday wish! I did, in fact, have a very happy birthday. I hope you enjoy this chapter and thanks so much for all the reviews!

**Stinky Stan: **Smack Snape? We can start a new SS, Smacking Snape. Actually, that sounds like a really bad romantic comedy. I should use that somewhere…Anyways, this fic is mostly about Harry's problems for now. Sirius had to take care of him first before himself you know? Anyways, thanks so much for your input and excitement!

**Unknown: **I apologize for my short chapters, and I'm glad my chapters are 'getting good' haha. Thanks for your review!

**Laryx: **Thanks for my birthday wish! I'm so happy you enjoy my story, and I'm updating whenever my health allows me to! Thanks for the review!

**Maya100: **I'm glad you like all the emotion put into it. There's a quote from Frank R. Stockton that goes "a study of the human heart…leads us through devious mazes of passion." I really like that quote and if you haven't read _the Lady, or the Tiger_ I highly suggest it.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything HP related.

Asleep

Chapter 5

_What's going to happen now? _Remus asked himself as he stood helplessly watching Sirius cradle Harry. As soon as they had reached the top floor of the house Remus wished there was some way to stop his friend from reaching Harry when everything he had smelled became clearer tenfold, but in his animagus form Sirius was already a few paces in front of him and nearly in Harry's room already.

The room had been dark and cramped right away when they first stepped in, and as the moments passed it just seemed to keep getting smaller and smaller. The grim like dog of course ran straight to Harry without taking any notice of its surroundings before it assumed the form of a man again. The other man, tall and light haired, stood solemnly at the door trying to soak in the events that the room had seen in the recent past.

Walking forward to where Sirius sat crunched over his godson, the werewolf reached forward to inspect Harry when something in the boards below him caught his attention. Not only were the boards uprooted and dilapidated, but his sharpened eyes could make out smaller structures wedged in between the wood splints. Letting his hand fall short, he ran his hands over them but quickly moved them to hold his head when he realized what they were and what they meant.

Fingernails. There were fingernails stuck within these boards, as if Harry had tired to drag himself across the floor. As much as he tried to keep his face stoic enough to assure someone (if only himself), he could feel his face drawn worn as he squeezed his eyes shut tightly and a grimace pulled harshly at the corners of his mouth.

_Why? Harry, why couldn't you have told someone? How long has it been like this? Oh, Merlin, we should have known something like this would happen after last term. We should have at least suspected…after no word from him at all…_Remus' thoughts turned erratic and randomly skipped over pictures of a smiling third year Harry Potter.

"We have to take him with us," Sirius was rambling, thinking much like Remus now only out loud reminding him of the night he saw him in the Shrieking Shack as a raving lunatic. "He can't stay…James and Lily would kill me…remember how he used to say my name? He had his modified versions of Padfoot even before he could say dad…"

"Sirius…Sirius give him to me for a moment please…" Remus tried gently as he began tenderly coaxing Harry out of his friend's tight grip. "Sirius please…"

"NO! GET AWAY FROM HIM! GET AWAY FROM ME!" His old time comrade screamed as he kicked him away. Sirius had snapped. His long unkempt hair fell menacingly into his face as he hunched lower over his godson with widened eyes. His body shook as he began rocking both him and the boy in his arms in shuddering heaves. Every few seconds a part of his body, his head or an arm, would have a spasm as he tried to close himself off from the werewolf next to him.

"SIRIUS! Please, just calm down. You're no good to Harry like this…" Remus said smoothly, fully back to teaching mode as the current situation forced him to push away his emotions once again.

The animagus was now hyperventilating as he scrambled to his feet. Flailing around limply, Harry's appendages bent at strange angles around Sirius' tightly grasping arms. Remus was choking back the tears in the back of his eyes at the sight as he had no reassurance of any of Harry's vitals, and by the looks of it his friend wouldn't be giving him any chance soon.

"Oh, by Merlin," a snide voice made its presence known to the other members of the room. Remus didn't know how long Severus had been standing there, but his smirk was deeper than usual. The wolf inside him wanted to push the man out the door, so as not to see his best friend in such a state, but his body stopped when he heard the greasy haired man send several spells Sirius' way. Next thing he knew Sirius was laying awkwardly on his back with his feet twisted under him unconscious and Harry limply sitting on top of him.

"Severus," Remus bit back the urge to use Snivellus as he spit out a response in vengeance, "I really don't think now was the time for that-"

"Now isn't the time to let Black show just how much Azkaban has made him insufficient to be around other people," Snape said calmly, making the Lycanthrope remember he was supposed to be the collected one. "Especially people who always seem to need some kind of medical attention like Potter."

Suppressing the growl deep within his throat, Remus watched Snape cross the room in three strides and bend down next to the two crumpled figures on the bedroom floor.

"NO!" He yelled vehemently as he saw Snape reach out to check Harry. "I'll be checking him myself thank you."

Remus was still attempting to bite back his anger as he closed the space between Harry, Sirius, and himself. He felt Snape bump shoulders with him hotly as the man stood up and backed off, a smirk still set on his face as he watched.

Closing his eyes tightly for a moment, Remus calmed himself in what he hoped was enough not to let his panic shift any of his observations as he tenderly lifted Harry off of Sirius before making sure the animagus, still unconscious, was more comfortable laying on the floor with the boy still in his arms, just as limp as he had been in his godfather's arms.

Crawling on his knees, the werewolf shifted Harry onto his worn bed before pulling out his wand. He muttered spells to check his pulse, temperature, and body functions. He was honestly better than Remus expected. He obviously had some kind of virus that had set in after his neglect of simple eating, sleeping, or bathing that had put him off for the worse, but with his limited healing knowledge he couldn't make any certain statement of exactly which virus it was.

As Remus lifted Harry's baggy shirt off him, his severe malnutrition was depicted harshly in the form of his ribs sticking out individually. There were several smaller cuts and bruises on his torso, but as his eyes trailed further up his arm the deeper the long, irregular cuts became. The worse of what he could currently see was on the top of Harry's shoulders. Here, instead of long scrapes, there were actual chunks missing of his flesh. The only conclusion he could bring from this was that Harry had taken to hugging himself and digging his fingers into his shoulders. Looking back down, the Lycan gently picked up a hand and sobered even more if possible at them.

Both of his hands were complete pulp, extremely bloody and looked as if the tops of them had gone missing. Remus' own hands had long been covered now in the young boy's blood and he was struggling to keep down all of his emotions for the time being. He listened to the sharp sounds emitting from Severus in annoyance as a way to distract his feelings as he continued his examination.

Flipping the light body over, Remus jerkily jumped to his feet and stumbled back a few steps as his noisy breathing came in quicker and quicker gulps.

_Oh Merlin…Merlin…look at this…how could that awful family not do anything about this...Oh Merlin…Harry…_Remus thought as he helplessly ran his hands through his hair, leaving streaks of a dark red there.

His whole back looked about as bad as his hands, almost like a whole layer of skin had been scraped off. There were some spots that would dip down as if multiple layers were gone as Remus could make them out by the different colors of flesh around the missing gaps.

Remus stumbled forward toward Harry again and scooped him up and held him tightly as he tried to push back some of his hair from his forehead that the blood had plastered there. As he did so, there, visible brightly from his pale complexion, was his scar. His lightning shaped scar. This all had happened because of that scar. Remus felt like trying to scratch the thing off himself with his own fingernails.

"Stop there, Lupin," Snape had decided to make himself known again. "You're acting just like Black. You see it would have been easier for me to have just checked him, but your incompetence of listening to anyone leads you once again into a sticky situation…And as much as I hate to say it, Black was right. He can't stay here. We'll have to take him back to Headquarters. Oh, stop giving me that look, Lupin. If he did all this to himself then he obviously needs to be around people who can take care of him mentally…where we'll find someone like that who has the time I don't know. The mutt obviously isn't up to the job."

Watching as Snape moved around the room collecting some of Harry's things, Remus stood up trying to gather his wits about him. He shifted Harry so he would be more comfortable in his arms, then stepped over to Sirius where he revived him to consciousness.

Blinking rapidly, Sirius adopted a look of bewilderment as he slowly sat up looking around. A look of realization was shortly displayed before he scrambled to his feet and glared at both Snape and Remus.

"Sirius, stay calm, we're taking Harry with us to Headquarters," Remus tried to keep his voice even. Sirius looked angry for a moment, before his face went completely slack.

"Remus! Remus, his back! Look at his back!" Sirius barked as he rushed forward to his godson.

_Shit, why couldn't I have stayed calm enough to have covered him up after I was done checking him over? _Remus thought as he stepped back away from Sirius.

"Sirius, please just…just stop. We're taking Harry with us. You can help him recover once we get back, just calm down."

The animagus only looked at him angrily. He opened his mouth before shutting it. He glanced sideways at Snape, and realizing what he was doing called out to him.

"He keeps some things under a loose floorboard somewhere."

"Really Black, and which loose floorboard would you wager that is?" Snape spit back. "Oh really…Black, what is one of the things he keeps there?"

"Er, his wand and his-"

"_Accio_ _wand!"_ A small thump was heard under a floorboard next to the end of Harry's bed. Snape quickly peeled the board back and threw it lazily across the floor. He picked up the few belongings stored there and threw them into the bag he had brought with him. Just before he closed it he pulled out three vials and strode over to Lupin where he began uncorking them.

"Open his mouth, Lupin," growled Snape. Barely waiting for the man to comply, he then filtered all three of the potions one by one into the boy's mouth. "That will hold him over for now, but the last one will wake him up shortly. I suggest we get him back to Headquarters before that happens."

Remus nodded. He had slowly become more and more numb over the past few minutes. Snape had already started towards the door when Sirius stepped even closer to him and Harry.

"Give him to me, Remus," he barked. There was not an ounce of kindness or room for question present in the command.

"No, Sirius," Remus tried to reason, "You have to stay as Padfoot. You know that-"

"GIVE ME _MY_ GODSON!" A deathly silence was left hanging in the room like a long forgotten mistletoe.

"Sirius…no…please…it's too dangerous," Remus pleaded quietly. His best friend's words had hurt him, and now his silence did nothing to sooth him. He could only stand there, even number now, as he felt Sirius pull Harry out of his arms as if he was not worthy. Though he stared straight ahead where his friend's face had once been, he saw Sirius move around, grabbing a blanket and wrapping it around _his _godson before walking out the door of the room, leaving him alone.

Downstairs he could hear Snape's voice berating the Dursley's before turning his efforts to Sirius, who apparently was already out the door with Harry. Snape's voice wasn't carrying up the stairs anymore, making Remus believe he too had walked out the door, leaving him all alone in the house.

Feeling lightheaded and sick, Remus Lupin made his way out of number four Privet Drive, and seeing no one in sight, made his way towards the end of the street and into an alley where he apparated back to number twelve Grimmauld Place alone, too numb to wonder if Sirius and Harry had made it without being seen.

A/N: Okay, so that chapter was longer, and while you may have enjoyed it, I surely did not! It was utter hell for me! Which is exactly why you should review for my efforts! And I know I kind of beat up on Remus a bit here at the end and I might have made Sirius look a bit mean, but Sirius is totally my favorite character so no worries. I won't make him look like a bully anymore.


	6. I Want You to Know

A/N: I know, I haven't updated this in forever, actually a year, but here it is. Thanks for everyone who ever reviewed in the first place, and anyone who continues to read it. If I contradict myself in this chapter, remember it's been a long time. Things might sound a bit softer in this chapter, but it's coming mostly from the thinking of Dumbledore, and I have a fond spot of a softy Dumbledore.

Asleep

Chapter 6

The first person Dumbledore had properly been able to speak to was Remus, who he was honestly counting on to give him the fullest report. Yes, he had seen Sirius stomp through the house and right up to him, where he promptly yelled something incoherent at him before stomping away again. Albus really wouldn't have heard him anyways, for the sight of the mangled boy lying limply in his arms. However, Mrs. Black did hear him, and promptly began to wail.

He sighed. Severus had been next in line to pass through. Albus couldn't help but notice that the younger man looked at him differently than before. He mentioned briefly that Mr. Potter would need Madam Pomfrey's aid as quickly as possible, and quite reasonably the attention of someone to deal with his mental issues. As he stalked to the fireplace, Albus also heard some mumblings about a group rate for him and his mutt godfather.

Finally Remus walked in the door, calmly as ever. He appeared to be several minutes delayed when compared to the others, and after seeing the state of Harry, Albus could only hope the lad had kept the werewolf in check. He was by now accustomed to all of the few faces Remus Lupin could or would bear, and Albus thought this was the one he originally called 'there's-no-reason-to-pity-me, I'm-only-watching-my-last-friend-and-cub-get-away." Then he realized this one was a new one. One he wished never to see.

Albus thought the worst face the werewolf had to wear was the one of the brutality of his transformation. Before his friends knew of his other half, Albus was the one to watch over Remus when he transformed. No, he was not there in physical means, but he watched from his office and often collected the boy in the morning, carrying him to the Hospital Wing.

This face was not the one he thought it was, it was somehow different. Instead of watching them get away, this was the face to show that his very last good friend and the young boy he wished he could care for like a son were gone. And Remus Lupin was standing there utterly lost.

"Remus, my dear boy?" the old man stepped forward carefully. He had seen Sirius in the midst of a major breakdown, Harry just physically broken down, and he couldn't have his ex-professor joining them, not if he could help him.

Remus was silent for a few moments more, and Albus could see him flexing his jaw tightly. He stared straight ahead towards the stairs where Sirius had carried Harry off to. Albus reached forward to grasp his arm before he finally turned to look at him.

"This wasn't his relatives' fault," said the rough voice. "They honestly tried to help him, I believe. I just think they didn't know how to help him by the time they realized he needed it. Oh Albus, Harry…he's been digging away at his own skin, there's dried blood all over him. His finger pads look like a mass of bloody carnage. Besides from the dark circles under his eyes, his complexion is as pale as a ghost…and he has streaks of gray through his hair. Whole chunks of it at a time. The only time you see that is when…"

"When the person has gone through an extreme ordeal, one that has scared or shocked them deeply," Albus finished for him frowning. "I'd say Mr. Potter feels both at the moment."

"Merlin, did you see him?" Remus felt ready to collapse. "I saw the effect the dementors had on him, and I heard of all the things he did and I always pictured him…but I saw him tonight Albus. This wasn't something I imagined seeing. Merlin, someone should have tried talking to him sooner…we should have known…"

"I spoke to him myself before the end of term, and we all sent him several letters," Albus said. "Yes, it is apparent now that is was not enough, but you can not blame yourself. I am accused of many things when it comes to our dear Mr. Potter. Favoritism seems to be the biggest concern. I've let Harry slide by with many things in the past. Favor is not the word I would use…I suppose I love Harry. I hold a fonder spot for him than others."

"You love him, but you didn't check up on him?" Remus was getting wobbly now. "Not once during the ten years before Hogwarts, and not now? After he saw one of classmates die by the hands of the same man who killed his parents?"

"I suppose I deserve that," Albus looked down sadly for a moment. He was about to continue when he heard a thud and an alarming voice echo through the house. Madam Pomfrey had arrived. They could hear Snape mentioning some things to her as he led her upstairs.

"Albus, we need to get up there too," Remus looked slightly ill. "Sirius, he's really gone into hysterics. I'm not sure if he'll give up Harry to let her check him…"

Albus nodded before turning to the stairs. Madam Pomfrey and Severus were already upstairs, and Remus didn't want Severus to stun Padfoot again. They heard a great deal of shouting coming from one of the last rooms further down the upstairs hallway, otherwise Remus wouldn't be sure which room Sirius had disappeared to. It was a room close to Sirius's, and he imagined he had always been planning to make the room next to his Harry's. Remus took a big breath before Albus motioned him in.

Inside the room, Sirius was standing on a makeshift bed still holding Harry, who was awake, or so it appeared. His green eyes were slightly opened, however unfocused. Sirius was trying to get the boy to acknowledge him while he smoothed back his hair, not being as near as careful as he should be of the wounds there. Meanwhile Pomfrey was trying to get the convict off the bed and her patient in her own hands. Severus stood by with his wand raised, following the man's movements as he swayed on the bed.

"Severus, that won't be necessary," Albus said. "Sirius, please calm down. You'll only further harm Harry."

"Harry, Harry, please look at me, please," Sirius was begging. "Please…Harry…"

"Black, will you-" Severus started.

"Why won't he look at me?" Sirius sounded almost angry. He slightly shook the boy's body, and Remus saw the boy's grimace.

"Padfoot! Stop! You're hurting him!" the werewolf shouted. He briskly strode forward and attempted to take the boy from him. It took both Albus's and Pomfrey's help to be successful. Severus grasped both of Sirius's arms and tried to drag him out of the room.

"Stop! I'm his godfather! I'm his godfather!" he was frantic. "Remus! Help!"

Remus made no motion towards him. Not one gesture. He was gently lying Harry down on the bed, who was still staring off into space, clearly not aware of his surroundings, not who he was with, or where. He might not have even realized he was awake. Sirius, who realized Remus had just taken Harry away from him without a second glance became furious.

"That's it, isn't it? You're trying to steal him from me!" he bellowed. "You were always jealous it wasn't you. I always had James's vote, but you hoped Lily would choose you! You were always jealous they didn't make you his godfather! You couldn't have a kid yourself, so you take someone else's!"

"That is quite enough!" Albus said finally. He gave Sirius a look that made his mouth quit for the moment, and Severus took the chance to drag him out of the room manually.

"Remus, really, you shouldn't even think a moment about it," Madam Pomfrey said, lighting rubbing his arm. Her face then became serious as she stood over Harry. "I think you two better leave for the moment being while I see what I can do."

"Of course," Albus nodded. He vaguely gestured towards the door with one hand, and with the other lightly embraced the man beside him. He looked at the young boy on the bed, not even of fifteen yet, and thought he couldn't look more like the man standing beside him right now, both quite broken.

"Actually, if you would excuse me one moment Remus," Albus requested softly. The werewolf nodded before shakily walking out the door, hoping to Merlin he didn't see Sirius.

Albus, seeing the man was out of sight, let drop his calm demeanor and walked closer to Harry. He took in the boney body and the cracked lips. He gently picked up one of the boy's hands, and felt a tear spring into his eye. He moved his hand up to Harry's limp hair which glistened slightly and let out a small choked noise when he parted a portion of his hair to see shards of glass embedded there.

"Oh, Harry my boy," Albus let the tear fall. "I hope you know you _were_ one of my favorites."

The great wizard thought he saw something spark deep within those once beautiful eyes, but he knew he probably hoped so hard for it he made himself see it. He leaned forward and gently kissed the boy atop his scar.

"I'll leave you to your work then," he said straightening up, calling upon his acting skills once more. He walked as calmly as he could away from her as she mentioned:

"As soon as I'm done, I'll be down to give you my report," Pomfrey stated. She had already removed Harry's clothing with a spell and was scanning it carefully.

"I'm afraid I must be going," he said with a long drawl. He wearily rubbed his forehead as she went on.

"Who will be here to look after him, Albus?"

"Give any instructions you have to Remus or Molly, in addition I'll have Severus remain here. There will be others in and out to help as well, and I hope you'll check in on him every once in awhile."

"Yes, of course Albus," the witch agreed. "He's one of my favorites too. But what about Mr. Black? I'm not sure it's advisable to let him be around Mr. Potter, not right now."

"Sirius will be joining me for the while being, and unless there is anything else I can do for you, I will be collecting him and leaving." He took something gingerly out of his pocket, though the woman couldn't see what it was.

"Of course, I'll try to find you later to give you any information I have. Oh, and do be careful with Black. He's in a fragile state as well."

"I know, I know," replied the very tired voice. "It's time I did something about it."

A/N: Whoo, that whole thing was rushed. At least you all have something. Happy New Year's, everyone!


End file.
